Dear Ones:
This was a difficult week for me. My grandson Davey was not feeling well-a summer cold. And his Mommy and Daddy weren’t feeling well either. And they both had deadlines. And the Nanny got a teaching job in Killeen and the new Nanny isn’t starting until this Monday. And they needed my help. And I was already having a difficult time. I was missing my mother, Davey’s great-grandmother, his mother’s Nany. She would have been 90-something on July 7. I always miss her more in July. But I put my own feelings away and drove over to the Ranch to watch Davey while his Mommy and Daddy kept moving through their work weeks.
And Davey cried alot. And he was not at his best because his nose was so stuffed up and sleeping was difficult. But we made it through together. We played and sang and read stories and just talked with each other. We sat on the sofa together wrapped in each other’s arms. We laughed and teased each other and had lunch together and napped together. And through it all I missed my mother more and more.
I have a picture in my mind. Actually, it is a real photograph and I have it somewhere. The twins were about 18 months old which makes Davide about 9. We are visiting Mom at her condo at Leisure Village in Lakewood, NJ. It would have been 1979. The twins are sitting on Mom’s lap and Davide is leaning in close. I keep that picture right up front in my mind’s eye. And it eases the pain of missing her.
And I was reminded of that this week as I cradled Davey in my arms and soothed him and let him cry himself to sleep.
And now in retrospect I realize that this past week was a gift, sort of a Chanukah gift in July. It was a gift of rememberance. A sweet trip back to that day, so many years ago, when my now adult children were just children themselves. And I was the age that they are now. And Mom was already getting older. And maybe she didn’t have the strength to cope with all three kids overnight. The twins were such a handful. But she loved them in her own way. And she took great joy spending time with them until they tired her out and she signaled me that it was time to take them home.
And maybe I thought at the time that she could have done more. And maybe I didn’t appreciate her at the time. But looking back now, from my newly enlightened position of being Davey’s Mama Raine, even though I miss Mom terribly, I smile, because you know what?
This past week, no matter how difficult it was as he screamed and fussed and wouldn’t nap and couldn’t take his bottle, it was the sweetest week of my life. It was all the joy of grandmotherhood. All the gifts of having come through daughterhood, motherhood and beyond. It was like the dessert at the end of the meal. It was so sweet.
Thank you Davey and thank you Mom.
With many blessings and very great love for all of us,
Rebba Raine
